Conquering Anhedonia: How Can We "Feel" Jesus Instead?
Have you lost the ability to feel "pleasure?" Why does God want us to suffer? This post will answer why sacrifice and suffering are necessary to understand Jesus Christ Himself.
Introduction: The Rise of Anhedonia
One of the reasons I used to drink is because I felt like I couldn't "feel" anything in real life. Life became meaningless to me on many levels. It was boring. Drinking was the only way to escape the monotony of life - it was my once favorite pastime. I have since conquered this addiction, but only through the help of God and coming to the true understanding of suffering through Jesus. Even if you are not suffering with addiction, you may be experiencing anhedonia, or the inability to experience pleasure, which is on the rise in our society. In other words, nothing feels good anymore.
Before I go to deeper into these topics, I'd like to begin with one of my favorite sections from Ecclesiastes. In fact, I think this is one of our favorite books - both Witness 1 and I just both love the existential dread behind it. Our existential dread is what unites us:
Everything Is Meaningless
1 The words of the Teacher,[a] son of David, king in Jerusalem:
2 “Meaningless! Meaningless!”
says the Teacher.
“Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless.”
3 What do people gain from all their labors
at which they toil under the sun?
4 Generations come and generations go,
but the earth remains forever.
5 The sun rises and the sun sets,
and hurries back to where it rises.
6 The wind blows to the south
and turns to the north;
round and round it goes,
ever returning on its course.
7 All streams flow into the sea,
yet the sea is never full.
To the place the streams come from,
there they return again.
8 All things are wearisome,
more than one can say.
The eye never has enough of seeing,
nor the ear its fill of hearing.
9 What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.
10 Is there anything of which one can say,
“Look! This is something new”?
It was here already, long ago;
it was here before our time.
11 No one remembers the former generations,
and even those yet to come
will not be remembered
by those who follow them.
In life, a teacher is one of the highest "forms" one can take. I'm not necessarily talking about teachers in modern education, though they can count. When thinking of the word teacher in simplest form, it is one who knows something so well that they can teach it to others. One cannot be a teacher of anything if they have not mastered it.
For the purposes of this blog, we are teachers, but remember, Jesus is the Master Teacher. He is the ultimate, perfect teacher, and everything we share that is valuable and true comes from Him. All glory to Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.
Going back to anhedonia in modern society, there are many causes. I believe that one of the major causes today is too much comfort. Because people are so comfortable, they experience very little suffering.
Suffering, on many levels, benefits us. Think about all of the suffering in your life. There was a purpose to it, and none of it was likely pointless. I bet you can name an important lesson from each type of suffering you experienced: heartbreak, addiction, loss, etc.
Yes, many are still experiencing the trauma of suffering, or you are going through suffering as they read this. You may not quite understand the lesson behind it all, yet, but if you were to reflect on your past suffering, can you see the lessons you learned?
I am not saying suffering is "good." I am saying it is the only way we can grow, so in a sense, God uses it for good. God is amazing like that.
The problem is that in Babylon, we have done everything we possibly can to avoid any form of suffering. Generally speaking, people are always satiated. They are fed, clothed, and entertained in perfectly air-conditioned environments, where they can move as little as possible - generally speaking, of course.
If you are always satisfied, you become bored with that eventually. For example, I appreciate food so much more now that I fast. Now that I fast, a meal feels so much more satisfying. However, the majority of Babylonians are munching and snacking all of the time, so they lose grip on a truly satisfying meal.
When it came to drinking, eventually I had to increase my usage. Why? I was satiated, and I needed more. I became "bored" with the buzz I was feeling, and I needed to get drunker.
This is pretty much applicable to most pleasures in life. Without suffering, we just need more and more to feel satisfied. When we suffer, we can make do with less, and even be content with less.
The problem is that anything worth it, in the end, requires some temporary suffering, and people simply don't want to do that.
Because people cannot stand suffering a bit, they do not receive the full benefits of many spiritual endeavors, such as fasting and prayer.
Today, when I was praying about this article, I asked God, "Why is suffering needed?"
He told me to think about my recent pursuit of running.
This past summer, I started running again. When I started, I could barely run a mile. Now, I have progressed, running many miles a day, and I feel wonderful.
But it took months. It took a lot of suffering, and of course, I haven't reached my goal, and I still have some suffering to do.
The suffering feels good, in a way, but why?
Well, when I run, I am actually getting rid of some bad - I am detoxifying spiritually, physically, and mentally. When I run, I have no distractions - I must face my thoughts. If I'm running for 30 minutes, that is 30 minutes alone with my thoughts with nothing to distract me. Plus, when I sweat, I am sure a lot of bad is coming out, and on top of that, I release a lot of anger and frustration. Running, fasting, and praying cleanse me. They all require some suffering. Yes, there are many prayers where I am in tears, and that is why some don't like to pray - because of that feeling. In fact, praying really doesn't always feel good until it's over, or we don't see its benefits until later.
Ultimately, suffering is the cleansing that is an integral part of Christianity - the part "Christians" try to take out. Jesus represents the epitome of suffering with His sacrifice at the cross, which we will talk about in a moment. In other words, people want Christ without suffering, which is impossible. Christ couldn't save us without His suffering, and therefore, in order to follow Him, we will need to suffer to some extent.
I really want readers to understand this: If you are doing everything you can to avoid suffering - doing drugs, avoiding breaking up with that person, avoiding hard work, avoiding fasting, avoiding prayer, avoiding that confrontation, etc., you will never feel truly good.
You will always be in a state of searching for something to replace the suffering, but it never truly can.
This is the time to embrace the needed suffering, as that is the only way we are purified.
Just to note, I am not saying I only suffer. The point is that when I dedicate a lot of time to purifying myself through suffering, those moments of joy are greatly amplified. I truly enjoy the moment I am in, and occasionally, I feel this sense of peace that is better than feeling higher or drunk. It is as close to Heaven as I will probably feel in this lifetime. As I write this, I feel completely at peace through this purification through suffering. But it isn't just that. At the heart of my motivation for this purification is always Jesus Christ.
How often do you feel that peace? In this world, it is almost impossible to be at peace in that way, and that is what Satan wants. He doesn't want you to feel peace because He knows that peace is the near equivalent of godliness on this Earth. Instead, he wants you to distract yourself with his imitation of peace - getting high, getting drunk, being promiscuous, buying crap, etc. He puts distractions in the way so you are never at peace, but rather, you are always dealing with these distractions.
And unfortunately, our sins can take much time to cleanse, even years. What I mean is that once you confess a sin, it may not be that easy to just move on. There are consequences of sin, and it make take time to expel those consequences.
When I first stopped drinking, I felt terrible for months. However, it was the suffering I needed to truly understand the effect alcohol was having on me. It was poisoning me, killing me slowly. I wasn't honoring the temple of my body or God.
The problem is - who wants to suffer? When I brought this post idea up to Witness 1, he laughed and said, "I'm sure everyone will love that post, Witness 2." I smiled.
He's right - most people aren't even going to read this as it isn't entertaining enough. It won't give them the high or quick dopamine rush. For those who stick around, I appreciate you suffering a bit - for taking your time, disciplining yourself, and trying to improve your life. That leads me to my next point.
The Sacrifice of Jesus Christ - Can We Come Close?
No. The sacrifices we make in life can in no way, shape, or form compare to what Jesus Christ did for us. When I was researching this topic, I actually looked into the word used for when Jesus Christ died on the cross. Interestingly, the word used was not sacrifice in Romans, but rather, propitiation. In Greek, this word is 2435: hilastérion, meaning a sin offering in which the wrath of a deity is appeased.
In other words, Jesus's sin offering is the only sacrifice or sin offering truly appeasing to God. Our sacrifices or righteousness are filthy rags to Him. That is why we need Jesus Christ. He is the only appeasing sacrifice to God.
Now, don't stop reading - I promise that this will all make sense if you just hang in there.
If we can't appease God, you are wondering, what's the point?
Let's go back to the beginning of this post. "Meaningless, meaningless!", says the teacher.
Most of us have gotten to the point where we have figured out life is pretty meaningless. Really, when all is summed up, all we do is in vain.
That is true, of course, if we are not living the way Jesus Christ wants.
When we allow Jesus Christ to take over our lives and our footsteps, then, and only then, does our life, and therefore its sacrifices, become appeasing to God.
That is why God does not solely care about good works. Those Satanist millionaires can donate to charity all day, but God doesn't care. It means nothing without the truest and purest form of love - Jesus Christ. In other words, they give charity without sacrifice which means nothing to God.
Again, when I mentioned my own suffering earlier, it would mean nothing without Jesus Christ, and that is true for any reader, as well.
Jesus Christ is sacrifice, and if we want to be as close to Him as possible, we need to learn to sacrifice.
In this Earthly realm, the closest we can get to understand Jesus's "propitiation" or sacrifice is by sacrificing like Jesus Christ did.
If we want to feel Jesus Christ in our daily lives, we have to start serving others.
We have to start giving to charity (if God ever leads you...), helping people, fasting, praying, and sacrificing for others in some way, shape, or form on a daily basis.
Let's go back to my running metaphor. In order to get where I was running daily, I had to run nearly every day. Not every single day but nearly every day. If I didn't, it wouldn't matter if I ran once in a while or here or there. The sacrifice would mean nothing to my body, as it wasn't consistent. However, because I became diligent and consistent, in the end, the sacrifice is paying off.
For some reading, you do nice things every so often. Maybe once a month you feel motivated to give to the poor. Maybe sometimes you are unusually nice at work. The rest of the time, you distract yourself.
None of that will really pay off. We can't only be like Jesus Christ sometimes. We have to try to be like Him all of the time.
It doesn't feel good all of the time, which is going to lead to the third and final section of this post about our ministry work.
That is the problem most don't understand. You have some cleansing to do BEFORE it feels good, and being like Christ requires hard work.
Right now, I feel good. Why? I've fasted every single day this year (with maybe one or two exceptions). I run nearly every day. I am truly enjoying our ministry work. I am giving back all I can to humanity through this website and other means. I pray for people. I spend time with God all of the time. I am different than I was. I have learned to sacrifice, and research shows this to be true: helping others is the only true form of happiness. Of course the linked article left out the foundational point of it all: We love others because we love Jesus Christ first.
I'm am not trying to brag, by the way. Do you want to know how humiliating my life was before? Sure, I may have had worldly success, but I was a complete and utter selfish human being. I had to get some really dark, ugly things out of my soul, and that took time. I can only write this now because of deep sacrifice and suffering in my life.
Unfortunately, if there isn't a quick fix, most don't want to do it. They want it all NOW, but that isn't how it works with God. That is why you light up the joint or drink the shot or take the pill. You want the joy now.
I'm not judging. Remember, I'm a former alcoholic. I am teaching you. I am telling you the truth.
By the way, I want to give a shout-out to one reader: A. You know, he wrote me an email the other day and he said that he had been doing what we had been saying to do. He has been taking our advice, and He is growing closer to God because of the advice.
It was one of the first times somebody emailed us and said, "We actually took your advice."
Now this guy is pretty humble, but I have to say, he is one man out there truly trying to be more like Christ.
Yes, I am sure he has flaws. He is human, after all, but I really wanted to give him a shout-out and tell him that I appreciate him. Thank you, A. If you still don't know if it is you, I am glad my prayers could help your wife. : )
The point of adding this is we don't write things in this blog that aren't true - that won't help you. If you actually take our advice, they will benefit you.
Back to my major point, don't get me wrong, I am not always feeling fully in the Holy Spirit. So, that brings me to the next part of this post.
Unappreciated Sacrifices
The ministry work we are doing is very unrewarding, at least in a physical or mental sense. It is centered on giving to the poor and helping them in every way possible. We are not enabling them, but rather we are helping and building them up in order to build great men of God. We have close to 300 members, and we have a few leaders supporting us (but not many yet). By the way, I am working on how to create a weekly online chat with you all, so that is coming!
Anyway, Witness 1 can vouch I do more than him ultimately for the physical ministry. For this website, our efforts are about equal. For real life, he would say I do more. He writes the sermons and greatly supports me (I told him when he married me, it was basically his job to support me emotionally, haha). Basically, I do everything related to organization, charity, networking, etc. The charity part is the most difficult part of it all.
Through our charity, our focus is Bibles, food, and basic needs. We have a system in place, and we are always adding people to the charity budget. These people are real members of our ministry, and they are wonderfully growing in Christ.
Still, it isn't very appreciated work. On Sunday, I was feeling really low. For some reason, I woke up, and every single charity account I had created was deleted. It meant I had to spend hours fixing it, and I had no doubt Satan and his demons were trying to discourage me.
Plus, I was just feeling burnt out. I was feeling like not many were willing to support our work in real life, and I went to God very angry.
Funnily enough, I even remember thinking, "You better not be using this situation to make me write about this later, God!"
But he was! He was making me suffer a bit. He wanted to me have a little suffering that day so I could write this, I think.
So, I suffered. I felt very depleted and unappreciated. I felt like nobody was appreciating our donations, our hard work, and our diligence.
In prayer God told me that the best type of sacrifice I could make is the one where I wasn't thanked. He said the unappreciated sacrifices on this Earth were the most valuable to Him. They were the closest we could get to His son.
I didn't like hearing this answer at the time. I was really sad and angry that day. Still, I didn't sin. I didn't let the anger take a hold of me, and I prayed and asked God to help me understand.
Then I received an email from our friend Roger, which I will include at the end of this post. It somehow perfectly summarized what I had been feeling. I knew with 100% certainty that God had worked through Roger to email me this letter, as it was perfectly connected to every single thing I had been feeling.
That night, I sent an email thanking Roger, and I thank him now. I woke up in the morning and everything was better. That morning, I received many messages from different people in the ministry asking how they could help us. I ended up getting many new leaders to lead what we call "prayer rooms" and I just smiled and thanked God. It was very unusual for all of these people reaching out to help, but I knew Jesus was working through them to show me love.
You see, God also taught me, in that moment, that He doesn't forget our suffering. Humans will. We won't always get a "thank you." But God never forgets. He is not unjust. Hebrews 6:10 reads:
- For God is not unjust so as to overlook your work and the love that you have shown for his name in serving the saints, as you still do.
So, the following is the email Roger wrote us that night. Thank you, my friend. Just to note, I didn't share any of these struggles with Roger recently, so I 100% believe Jesus Christ was working directly through him as he wrote the following message.
One more thought, what I am trying to put into words is beyond understanding. It surpasses understanding. It even seems paradoxical. The closer you feel to Jesus Christ, it is almost impossible to talk about with human words. I was even thinking about a new human word to invent in order to explain what I am trying to portray to readers. Maybe I will. Anyway, here is the letter:
I pray God's wrath comes upon the nations, and nothing can stop this wrath in Jesus's name. 9/14/24.
Thank you all for reading to the end - for having that patience, that endurance - maybe even a little suffering.
May God bless you all in the name of Jesus Christ,
- Witness 2